Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
We did it...
Hi Mom, It wasn't easy but we made it through Thanksgiving. The vibe the whole time was very strange, uncomfortable and just plan yucky. Anna and I agreed it was like no one wanted to talk about the elephant in the room.
As you know, today is Anna's Birthday, she misses you terribly. If you could let her know you are near.
Love you :)
As you know, today is Anna's Birthday, she misses you terribly. If you could let her know you are near.
Love you :)
Saturday, November 8, 2008
The Holidays
I could barely make it through Halloween without breaking down. I was reminded of how much you like to come over and hand out candy to the little kids. You like to check out all of the cute and scary costumes. Having Will's birthday party without you wasn't the same. I was glad that Dad came over. His gift was a big hit! He couldn't stay to hand out candy, though. If I can't make it through Halloween, how am I going to make it through Thanksgiving and Christmas? Hope you like the fall-ish flowers we put on the grave. I'll replace them with something Christmas-related soon. It just looked so bare without flowers. The plaque is nice, I think. Did you see what Serena wrote about you in school? I thought that was sweet of her. I didn't mind you replacing me as her hero. What do you think about her haircut? Surprisingly, she loves it. I love it too. Miss you bunches.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Guess What?
Hey Mom, guess what? Jack is starting to read out-loud to us! It is so much fun to hear him sound out the letters and make words. We have to be careful to pick books that he hasn't memorized yet or he will just spit out the sentence from memory and not really read. It makes my heart feel so good.
I'm at a loss for words at the moment. I miss you terribly like there is a hole in my heart. I still say things like "my parents live....", or "we are going to Mornin' and Geddy's." But the kids are quick to correct me. Other people don't say anything. Like at work, a co-worker was talking about some food and I responded with, "my mom loves that". It is sad when I realize that I'm not using the right tense of the word, that I should use the past tense.
I'm at a loss for words at the moment. I miss you terribly like there is a hole in my heart. I still say things like "my parents live....", or "we are going to Mornin' and Geddy's." But the kids are quick to correct me. Other people don't say anything. Like at work, a co-worker was talking about some food and I responded with, "my mom loves that". It is sad when I realize that I'm not using the right tense of the word, that I should use the past tense.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Hey Mom! How are things going with you? Silly question, I know. I just SO want to call you today and talk. It's Saturday and I'd love to come over w/ the kids and visit. But I don't want to go over there w/ just Dad there. I feel badly about that but it is the truth and I can't hide it.
I've been so busy at work! Next week is trial week and it should be exciting. We had to pull together an old 2005 case. It is an armed robbery and kidnapping. The defendant was arrested for the charges in Hall County and mistakenly let out of jail. He got out, fled to Oklahoma and tried to kill 2 cops. He shot at them both. He is serving 40 years out there. We brought him back to GA b/c he told his attorney that he wanted to plea guilty to the kidnapping and close his case. Well, he gets back to the Hall County jail this week and changes his mind! So we were scrambling all week to find our victim who no one has spoken to in over a year and to find our only witness who just happens to be a homeless man. We've found everyone and I think it will all come together. Our victim is flying up from FL on Monday w/ her 2 kids. I have to go pick her up at the airport. Our homeless man is going to meet us at a gas station at the Hall County/White County line on Tuesday morning to get a ride to the courthouse.
Did I mention that the defendant is nuts? Literally. We have is psychiatric files from the time he was about Jack's age. He was killing small animals, starting fires.. The deputies won't let him have a pen or pencil in court b/c they think he will stab someone. Yes, he's that nutty. He has no regard for human life. There will be extra security in the courtroom, don't worry. At the very least it will be entertaining. He can't seem to keep his mouth shut and like to blurt out inappropriate things.
Well, Serena just came in and told me that both the toilets are clogged. I better go. I miss you so much Mom. Hope to see you soon.
Anna
I've been so busy at work! Next week is trial week and it should be exciting. We had to pull together an old 2005 case. It is an armed robbery and kidnapping. The defendant was arrested for the charges in Hall County and mistakenly let out of jail. He got out, fled to Oklahoma and tried to kill 2 cops. He shot at them both. He is serving 40 years out there. We brought him back to GA b/c he told his attorney that he wanted to plea guilty to the kidnapping and close his case. Well, he gets back to the Hall County jail this week and changes his mind! So we were scrambling all week to find our victim who no one has spoken to in over a year and to find our only witness who just happens to be a homeless man. We've found everyone and I think it will all come together. Our victim is flying up from FL on Monday w/ her 2 kids. I have to go pick her up at the airport. Our homeless man is going to meet us at a gas station at the Hall County/White County line on Tuesday morning to get a ride to the courthouse.
Did I mention that the defendant is nuts? Literally. We have is psychiatric files from the time he was about Jack's age. He was killing small animals, starting fires.. The deputies won't let him have a pen or pencil in court b/c they think he will stab someone. Yes, he's that nutty. He has no regard for human life. There will be extra security in the courtroom, don't worry. At the very least it will be entertaining. He can't seem to keep his mouth shut and like to blurt out inappropriate things.
Well, Serena just came in and told me that both the toilets are clogged. I better go. I miss you so much Mom. Hope to see you soon.
Anna
Monday, August 11, 2008
Nicholas
Hi Mom, Nicholas got his Black Belt tonight!! Wish you were here. Love you and miss you so.!!!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
School
Dear Mom,
This Saturday was Serena's 10th Birthday. We got her an iPod and she seems to like it. Tomorrow she is starting 5th grade! We met her teacher last week...I like her. She is the oldest teacher Serena has ever had but I don't think that's a bad thing. There are several girls in her class that she knows and likes. I think it will be a great year for her.
Jackson starts Kindergarten tomorrow. I am having a hard time believing it! I have butterflies in my stomach for him. We met his teacher last week, too. When we left the class Jackson said, "my teacher is nice." That was all I needed to hear! He looks so small in the big school. I'm grateful for the time I spent on the PTA board and the times I had to bring Jack along with me to Silver City. He is already familiar with the school and hopefully not so overwhelmed by it.
This week has been hard for me and I really couldn't put my finger on it until a few days ago. I kept feeling like I was missing something, forgetting to do something. It was your involvement I was missing. You are always so interested in the start of school and Serena's birthday. Always anxious to hear about the teachers, asking what sizes of clothes you can buy the kids, what gifts Serena would like this year. I miss that. It makes me wonder if Christmas is going to be just as hard.
I know you will be there tomorrow as the kids get on the bus and will walk with them at school tomorrow. Do me a favor, keep them safe. When Nick starts middle school in a few weeks, please walk with him, too. It is such a big step for all 3 of them. Thanks.
Love,
Anna
This Saturday was Serena's 10th Birthday. We got her an iPod and she seems to like it. Tomorrow she is starting 5th grade! We met her teacher last week...I like her. She is the oldest teacher Serena has ever had but I don't think that's a bad thing. There are several girls in her class that she knows and likes. I think it will be a great year for her.
Jackson starts Kindergarten tomorrow. I am having a hard time believing it! I have butterflies in my stomach for him. We met his teacher last week, too. When we left the class Jackson said, "my teacher is nice." That was all I needed to hear! He looks so small in the big school. I'm grateful for the time I spent on the PTA board and the times I had to bring Jack along with me to Silver City. He is already familiar with the school and hopefully not so overwhelmed by it.
This week has been hard for me and I really couldn't put my finger on it until a few days ago. I kept feeling like I was missing something, forgetting to do something. It was your involvement I was missing. You are always so interested in the start of school and Serena's birthday. Always anxious to hear about the teachers, asking what sizes of clothes you can buy the kids, what gifts Serena would like this year. I miss that. It makes me wonder if Christmas is going to be just as hard.
I know you will be there tomorrow as the kids get on the bus and will walk with them at school tomorrow. Do me a favor, keep them safe. When Nick starts middle school in a few weeks, please walk with him, too. It is such a big step for all 3 of them. Thanks.
Love,
Anna
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Happy Birthday
Hey Mom, just wanted to say Happy Birthday. I put some flowers on your grave from Laura and me today. I saw the card that Dad left for you. I sure hope he gets your plaque in there soon, it is looking messy.
After I put the flowers on, Jack, Will and I walked over to the pond to feed the ducks. We had a few crackers and a loaf of bread. Those ducks were hungry! If you didn't feed them quickly, they'd nibble at your hand. Jack had to run away from a few of them!
I had an idea today. I've been wanting to go walking somewhere at night. I thought about the park up in Dawsonville but it closes at 10. I think I might go walk in the cemetery. I saw a man walking there today and it gave me the idea. It seems so peaceful there.
There is so much going on. I know you already know about it so I won't go back over it. Even if you were alive I doubt I'd tell you because I wouldn't want to worry you. I'm trying to be strong but I feel like I'm crumbling from the inside out.
Love you,
Anna
After I put the flowers on, Jack, Will and I walked over to the pond to feed the ducks. We had a few crackers and a loaf of bread. Those ducks were hungry! If you didn't feed them quickly, they'd nibble at your hand. Jack had to run away from a few of them!
I had an idea today. I've been wanting to go walking somewhere at night. I thought about the park up in Dawsonville but it closes at 10. I think I might go walk in the cemetery. I saw a man walking there today and it gave me the idea. It seems so peaceful there.
There is so much going on. I know you already know about it so I won't go back over it. Even if you were alive I doubt I'd tell you because I wouldn't want to worry you. I'm trying to be strong but I feel like I'm crumbling from the inside out.
Love you,
Anna
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Dreams About Grandma?
Hey Mom,
Just wondering if you had dreams about Grandma after she died. You never mentioned it to me, if you did have dreams. Any advice on how to stop having nightmares about you? It isn't really how I want you to visit me (not that you can control that).
Not much going on here. The funeral home called tonight to say that your death certificates are in. I thought about calling Dad to go pick them up but I thought twice about it. I'll just do it myself.
Your birthday is coming up. I'm not really sure what to do about it. I know I'm taking Dad to the airport that day. He is flying down to see Laura. Am I supposed to still celebrate your birthday? Am I supposed to ignore it? Would you be hurt if I didn't do anything?
The kids are doing OK. They went on a really cool field trip to a trout fishing farm this week. The pond there is filled with so many fish that they guarantee a catch. Jack and Serena were beaming that they caught fish! They gut the fish there at the farm and you get to bring them home. We cooked them tonight. The kids couldn't stop talking about what a fun day they had! William is good, too. He is talking so much and really has control of the potty training. I'm sad that he won't know you.
Miss you,
Anna
Just wondering if you had dreams about Grandma after she died. You never mentioned it to me, if you did have dreams. Any advice on how to stop having nightmares about you? It isn't really how I want you to visit me (not that you can control that).
Not much going on here. The funeral home called tonight to say that your death certificates are in. I thought about calling Dad to go pick them up but I thought twice about it. I'll just do it myself.
Your birthday is coming up. I'm not really sure what to do about it. I know I'm taking Dad to the airport that day. He is flying down to see Laura. Am I supposed to still celebrate your birthday? Am I supposed to ignore it? Would you be hurt if I didn't do anything?
The kids are doing OK. They went on a really cool field trip to a trout fishing farm this week. The pond there is filled with so many fish that they guarantee a catch. Jack and Serena were beaming that they caught fish! They gut the fish there at the farm and you get to bring them home. We cooked them tonight. The kids couldn't stop talking about what a fun day they had! William is good, too. He is talking so much and really has control of the potty training. I'm sad that he won't know you.
Miss you,
Anna
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Getting My Toes Done
Dear Mom,
Today I treated myself and had a pedicure. I went on my lunch hour to a nail salon on the square in Gainesville. I really liked the place and they weren't as expensive as the last place I went to. I desperately needed a pedicure! Anyway, a lady came in while I was there. She must have been a "regular" b/c all of the ladies greeted her by name. The technician doing my toes told me that the lady's husband had suddenly died a few weeks ago from a heart attack. This must have been the first time she'd been in since that b/c all the ladies were asking her how she was doing. They were looking at her the way people look at Dad now. She acted like Dad too when she responded. Her voice cracked and she said she was doing ok.
As she got closer (she was having her toes done, too) I realized that she looked so much like you. She was about your age, same hair style, same curve in her back, same blue jeans, tennis shoes, t-shirt combo that you often wore. She was thin and looked a little frail like you.
A wave of sorrow came over me, Mom. My instinct was to get up and hug her! I wanted to hug her b/c she was experiencing a loss similar to mine, I wanted to hug her b/c she looked like you. Odd as it sounds, I think this was the first time I really thought, "I'll never be able to hug Mom again." I haven't really let my emotions flow so this overwhelming sadness took me by surprise.
So there I sat at the nail salon with tears running down my face. They must have thought I was nuts! It got to the point where I couldn't even look at the lady. I never did go up and hug her. She might have called the police on me!
I guess I have a long way to go.
Miss you,
Anna
Today I treated myself and had a pedicure. I went on my lunch hour to a nail salon on the square in Gainesville. I really liked the place and they weren't as expensive as the last place I went to. I desperately needed a pedicure! Anyway, a lady came in while I was there. She must have been a "regular" b/c all of the ladies greeted her by name. The technician doing my toes told me that the lady's husband had suddenly died a few weeks ago from a heart attack. This must have been the first time she'd been in since that b/c all the ladies were asking her how she was doing. They were looking at her the way people look at Dad now. She acted like Dad too when she responded. Her voice cracked and she said she was doing ok.
As she got closer (she was having her toes done, too) I realized that she looked so much like you. She was about your age, same hair style, same curve in her back, same blue jeans, tennis shoes, t-shirt combo that you often wore. She was thin and looked a little frail like you.
A wave of sorrow came over me, Mom. My instinct was to get up and hug her! I wanted to hug her b/c she was experiencing a loss similar to mine, I wanted to hug her b/c she looked like you. Odd as it sounds, I think this was the first time I really thought, "I'll never be able to hug Mom again." I haven't really let my emotions flow so this overwhelming sadness took me by surprise.
So there I sat at the nail salon with tears running down my face. They must have thought I was nuts! It got to the point where I couldn't even look at the lady. I never did go up and hug her. She might have called the police on me!
I guess I have a long way to go.
Miss you,
Anna
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Cookies
Dear Mom,
I know you were laughing at me trying to make the p-nut butter cookies. Hey, I tried! I need more practice. Hopefully, one day they will be as good as yours. Tell me, did Dad even eat them?
Love,
Anna
I know you were laughing at me trying to make the p-nut butter cookies. Hey, I tried! I need more practice. Hopefully, one day they will be as good as yours. Tell me, did Dad even eat them?
Love,
Anna
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Deep Blue Heart -- John Mellencamp
Daylight is leaving and the night is closing in
In just a few hours the sleeplessness begins again
My head feels thick and I'm unable to think
I guess I'll wait 'til tomorrow and see what it brings.
I have a little hope left and I guess that's someplace to start
But my memory's full of a deep blue heart.
My fun-loving sense of humor is nowhere to be found
I stare into my own eyes with tears flowing down
I'd sing out a song but I've forgotten the tune
And the words now escape me but I think it's about you.
In just a few hours the sleeplessness begins again
My head feels thick and I'm unable to think
I guess I'll wait 'til tomorrow and see what it brings.
I have a little hope left and I guess that's someplace to start
But my memory's full of a deep blue heart.
My fun-loving sense of humor is nowhere to be found
I stare into my own eyes with tears flowing down
I'd sing out a song but I've forgotten the tune
And the words now escape me but I think it's about you.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Feelings
Hey Mom,
I am sure you already know this, but I am struggling with the fact that you are gone. It was easy the first few days but now I guess it is setting in that you actually died.
Just the other day I was thinking that I really needed to call you because the past few times I called I only spoke with Dad.. silly me. The array of difficult emotions I have are almost overwhelming, especially when I am idle, so I try to stay as busy as possible, work helps, but at night it is really, really difficult.
I thought it would not be so difficult since I prepared myself for this inevitable time to come but now that it happened I can not believe that you are actually gone. I, as Anna, keep seeing you in the hospital over and over again ...*sigh*.... that was extremely tough. When I see you in the hospital, I immediately try to usher in a different memory of when you were alive, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
One of the most difficult things was seeing the kids. Dad is doing as best he can, but in time I think he will be ok and so will Anna and I.
I bet you are so relieved to be done with earth and your earthly body, it must be indescribable the joy and peace you have now... that makes me very, very happy.... but still, I will forever miss you!!
I love you,
Laura
PS. "This ain't getting it done" is going on your grave marker ;)
PSS. Thank you Anna for creating this.
I am sure you already know this, but I am struggling with the fact that you are gone. It was easy the first few days but now I guess it is setting in that you actually died.
Just the other day I was thinking that I really needed to call you because the past few times I called I only spoke with Dad.. silly me. The array of difficult emotions I have are almost overwhelming, especially when I am idle, so I try to stay as busy as possible, work helps, but at night it is really, really difficult.
I thought it would not be so difficult since I prepared myself for this inevitable time to come but now that it happened I can not believe that you are actually gone. I, as Anna, keep seeing you in the hospital over and over again ...*sigh*.... that was extremely tough. When I see you in the hospital, I immediately try to usher in a different memory of when you were alive, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
One of the most difficult things was seeing the kids. Dad is doing as best he can, but in time I think he will be ok and so will Anna and I.
I bet you are so relieved to be done with earth and your earthly body, it must be indescribable the joy and peace you have now... that makes me very, very happy.... but still, I will forever miss you!!
I love you,
Laura
PS. "This ain't getting it done" is going on your grave marker ;)
PSS. Thank you Anna for creating this.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Clothes
Dear Mom,
I took most of your clothes, shoes and purses to the Gateway House today. Dad asked me to pack it all up last weekend. He kept a few items for himself. I threw out things like your underwear (I didn't think anyone would want that!), your make-up etc. It wasn't easy. In fact, it just plain sucked. I gave Serena a few of your purses. Jack wanted that old lion purse mirror that you used to carry. He likes to play with it! Dad wasn't going to let him have it but I insisted on it. Jack is having a hard time with this, as you know.
Other than that, I am taking this one day at a time. I'm not sure how to handle dad. He seems to only want Laura around and Laura's attention. Has it always been that way and I just never noticed? Was it that way when we were kids? I've tried to help him but I just don't think I can.
I miss you, Mom. I can't really look at pictures of you yet. All I can see is you in the hospital. I've been told that will fade over time. I surely hope so.
Take care,
Anna
I took most of your clothes, shoes and purses to the Gateway House today. Dad asked me to pack it all up last weekend. He kept a few items for himself. I threw out things like your underwear (I didn't think anyone would want that!), your make-up etc. It wasn't easy. In fact, it just plain sucked. I gave Serena a few of your purses. Jack wanted that old lion purse mirror that you used to carry. He likes to play with it! Dad wasn't going to let him have it but I insisted on it. Jack is having a hard time with this, as you know.
Other than that, I am taking this one day at a time. I'm not sure how to handle dad. He seems to only want Laura around and Laura's attention. Has it always been that way and I just never noticed? Was it that way when we were kids? I've tried to help him but I just don't think I can.
I miss you, Mom. I can't really look at pictures of you yet. All I can see is you in the hospital. I've been told that will fade over time. I surely hope so.
Take care,
Anna
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Are There Blogs In Heaven?
I've been thinking, if there are blogs in Heaven, my mom is definitely reading them. When she was lucid, she enjoyed the blogs. In fact, I still have her blog bookmarked...I can't bare to delete it. It only has 2 or so postings, she never really got the hang of it. But when she did, she loved to read our family blog, or my sister's blog, or mine.
So, in missing her so much, I've created a blog for her. I can't email her anymore, so I'll post updates to her. Yes, this is strange, I'll admit that. However, someone recently told me that when a parent dies, do whatever you need to do to get through it. Grieve in any way you see fit. Well, that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm going to invite my sister to blog also. She may not and I will hold nothing against her if she doesn't want to. We are each dealing with mom's death in different ways.
So, in missing her so much, I've created a blog for her. I can't email her anymore, so I'll post updates to her. Yes, this is strange, I'll admit that. However, someone recently told me that when a parent dies, do whatever you need to do to get through it. Grieve in any way you see fit. Well, that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm going to invite my sister to blog also. She may not and I will hold nothing against her if she doesn't want to. We are each dealing with mom's death in different ways.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)